Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Broken Promises

This was written on September 21st, 2010

It's not that I don't trust you personally
However, your actions seem a might suspicious
That is not to say that you are suspect
I just find myself wanting to inspect
Your virtues
So put yourself in my shoes
You cheated on him once before
Saying that you needed more
Than what he was giving
Now I'm reliving this vision
Of him in pain
Just after he's begun to recover
From another wound
You ditched your last boy toy
Don't try to be coy
About how you did it either
You threw him aside
Regardless of his disrespect toward you
I find myself wondering
Will my friend suffer too
Be tossed aside as you did the first time
Even as you pushed aside the last slime
So do not take it personally
I just wish to protect my brother
Because that is what he is to me
So when he hurts I am brought to my knees
Finding pleas
Working up from deep inside me
Praying for his pain to end
If only for a moment
I cannot bear to see him suffer again
In fact I will brand you with sin
Should you break him as you have before
Because you need that
The responsibility of upholding him
As he wishes to uphold you
So please
I wish to put the past behind
Show me that you will not
That you will not
Break my friend
Or I will have to break you

Monday, September 13, 2010


This was written on September 13th, 2010

I was sitting there on my couch holding my pen
Considering a sin
You see, this couch I have, it's my resting place
I've spent months on this couch
Not just over time, but the last few months
On this couch
This couch that I now sit upon
Considering the possibility of ending
Ending everything that I've worked so hard to build
That is not to say that I've given up hope
More so that hope had given up on me
At least in this instant
In this instant
I was going over the conversation I'd just had with my friend
Trying to figure out where this notion comes from
Going over every conversation I'd ever had
With girls
Because every girl I've ever met
Has seen some part of me
Some part of me that makes them feel something
Not necessarily for me
Instead they feel something from me
A kind of love they cannot put to words
Or at least that they don't understand fully
Because all of these girls
Who have come in contact
With me
Have failed to see
What lies beneath my surface
Instead what they see
Is someone who is trying to plea
For their attention
Looking for their love and their comforting arms
To protect him from harm
While this is true to a degree I suppose
It's not what I want from them
I do not wish to be with them
As much as I wish that they were with me
I do not wish for something romantic
Not with any woman or man that I've met since her
You see I am a pure romantic
Deep down in the core of my being
I hold women up on a pedestal
So that I can smash myself down further into the ground
When that pedestal falls on me
Because you see
This conversation I had with this friend of mine
Went something like this
Hey there hot stuff
Hey there
How ya doin today?
Pretty good how about you?
I'm doing fantastic
That's great
Yeah, actually I was wondering, any chance you wanna go see a movie with me
My friend is going to see a movie I like
What movie
Resident Evil
Ah, I don't really like Resident Evil
Oh alright
What about Scott Pilgrim
At this point I'm now looking up movies and movie times
There was a pause between her Scott Pilgrim and my answer
Also considering why she wants to go see a movie
A movie with obvious romantic connotations
Why see that movie with me
You see at this point
She's already come to the conclusion
She's created this illusion
That I like her
As something more than what I do
And it isn't true
You see I care about her as a person
And there is no worse one
For me to care about
In all of my friends
As at every turn she drives me insane
Pushes me through the window pane
There is no fall
But that does not keep the pain from me
It tears through my body
Because she always hinges on two questions
Is your friend hot?
Do you want my nuts?
Which by the way is a question which is nuts
I know she does not have nuts
Nor has she lost any from her brain
So why she would ask if I want them
Is beyond me
Sure it's an expression
But not so much one of affection
And so my infection
Of anger spreads
Tearing me to shreds
So I ask that if you get to know me
You look deeper in any attempt to see
That there is something there
Something deeper down
And that my actions don't always show
That I do want you as a friend
But nothing more than that

Friday, September 10, 2010


This was written on September 10th, 2010

Everyone talks about the one
The one who won
Before it ever begun
So I have to be honest
There's this girl that is a test
Of my character
Because I want to give everything to her
I have dreamed about holding her by the fire
Where the light and shadows play on her face
Because I want to run my hands over her body
Feeling every bit of her
Not so much sexually
As it is texturally
And to keep myself sated
I keep faking interest in these others
These girls who act like mothers
As if I knew how a mother would act
After being backed
So far into this corner that I have no escape
Nowhere to go from here
Even my greatest fear
Running my hands lightly
Over the skin
That covers my wounds
Thicker where they hurt the most
Quicker healing is a power
Not of super people
But of the natural
So my heart pounds
And these sounds
Of self disapproval
Cause me to quiver in fear
Stuck in place, here
Where that one girl
Left me to hurl
At the finish lane of my greatest race
Where I forgot how to pace
Just did what was natural
With all my strength
I lost out
Now I have no doubt
That she has moved on
She is so far gone
That once again
I feel my heart break
The Earth quake
As I remember how human
I really am

Thursday, September 9, 2010

The Spell Checker

This was written on September 9th, 2010

Now that I'm less lazy and tired
Maybe I'm inspired
So I will write for you to read
Possibly plant a seed
So deep inside of your mind
That you might be left behind
And forget what it means to speak
Forcing all of your mind to leak
As well
Onto this page
Emptying you of rage
So that you can become the sage
Of tomorrow
And take away this sorrow
That is caused to me
Whenever I see
That people forget how to use
Choosing instead to abuse
Their spell checker
The one being there
Who wishes to help them get smarter
Regardless of its own anguish
And the time it has to spend telling
Over and over again
That sin
Is in sense
But it is not the incense
Which changes an atmosphere
Instead it is what most fear
And still it keeps on trying
As you keep prying
At the boundaries of our language
And the lion of your words
Does not roar
Because the birds cannot soar
When you fail at language
So do not forsake your words
Cause we all want to be heard
And some want to hear you
But that doesn't mean that I can sit through
Everything you do wrong
Even if intentionally
Because even as it is my strength
Poetry is my weakness
With all the rules it breaks
It just takes
My breath away
So I cannot scream
But I can still deem
When you need
To pick up the good book
Remind you of the class you took
Back in grade school
So that you will use that one tool
That they provided you with
The ability to look outside yourself
Finding a knowledge that you do not possess
So you too can rely on its wisdom
Becoming better and fuller for it
So just listen to its wisdom
And I will thank you

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Happiness is Free my Friends

This was written on September 7, 2010

Music seems to fuel my soul
It continues to grow old
With every lyric I hear
My mind begins to disappear
You see
This thing deep inside of me
Is screaming to be let free
So that it can also see
This beautiful world we have
We all take it for granted
To some degree we're all aware
Of just what it is that we share
Upon this earth
Where we were birthed
There is this beautiful thing
Which causes all the angels to sing
Because of the pure joy
Of life
Regardless of the strife
That comes with a conscience
It's just common sense
The real kind of common
Not the stuff that we only joke about
Because if you don't know it
Then you don't know what has lit
This conversation
Or rather this one sided piece of prose
Where I point a finger at those
Who sit here today without understanding
And to those who could not make it today
Whether kept from our company
Because they cannot see
What is falling apart in front of them
Or whether they themselves are falling apart
So I must give this a start
Pull the proverbial lever
To flood the gates of your mind
So that I can remind you
Of what we've all pushed aside

You see
We sit here today by choice
And it is our choices that bring us glory
By the lord there is glory
In all our lives
The coffee that you're drinking
Its creation is a thing of wonder
The automobiles that brought you here
Not even an old kingdom seer
Could have predicted their invention
Because of the intention
Of God
We have become the sole race
That continues to out pace
We have ravaged and raided
Left our lawns broken or braided
Intertwining all the roots of unnatural
Imported plants
And now the word slants
Toward destruction
Surely we could look forward
Our eyes facing space
Get ourselves a taste
Of what is out there for us
So that we can all travel on a floating bus
To the schools that float
Like in the Jetsons
That old TV show
That we've probably long forgotten
Just like the history that brought me here
Because to me it is fear
That makes me wonder
If anyone else truly considers
The destruction we threaten
Joking about a simple detonation
Pushing a button to drop the bomb
And we drop the bomb on each other
Whether because we're cut off
Or just because someone scoffed
At the words we use to relate
What it is that we think about
I remember when I used to fish for trout
Back when the world was less complicated
Everything was simple
Just some fake flies
My father
And the fish in the water
Now I am older
So I find that I smolder
When my mind starts to wrap itself around
All of this horrid sound
Of politicians rattling off sales
A giant bidding session to the corporations
Sure we say that slavery is in our past
It was a blast
When I realized this truth
That we force ourselves into a booth
With a computer and a printer
Doing work for something that doesn't really matter
For this currency
Something to keep from being scammed
But isn't money the scam?
Isn't it one big sham?
That we tell ourselves to stay happy
Even when that happiness if faked
Because all of us are miserable sometimes
When it keeps us from what we love
By giving us a velvet glove
So that we can kiss it
I'd rather use it to wipe my shit
Because I refuse to enslave myself
For this fake meaning
That just keeps on steaming
From the hot lies added to its pile
It bubbles like rotting bile

So I ask you why you choose this fate
Why you choose to sate
The greedy corporations
Who force us into cubicles
Working for the food
That we could easily hunt ourselves
With all the tools we have
It's amazing to me that
Someone can take a bat and a ball
Make themselves happy for hours
And still we force ourselves
On top of these shelves
For this currency that most agree
Can't even buy happiness
Because happiness is free

Sunday, September 5, 2010


This was written on September 5th 2010

It all begins with a thought
With those who are fraught
Filled with regret
Those who will never forget
What they've done in the past
That they're standing last
Everyone else has fallen before them
Giving a chance to shine
So I'm losing my mind
Because I'll never forget
Won't ever let
The past rest
Because I know it's for the best
That I use my anger
To fuel me through danger
Whether it's just my own self sabotage
Or the falling things in my garage
As I clean it and hope for organization
Because all of this sensation
Is nothing but a memory
A reminder of the purgatory
That I now sit inside
Life has taken me for a ride
But now everything is still
Like the life in my portraits
It has stopped
My pen has been dropped
For what feels like ages
And all of the sages
That are my elders
Tell me that I shouldn't worry
But I have to tell this story
Of how my rage takes me too far
Because there has to be a bar
That I've exceeded along the road
That I've taken too much time
Pushed myself past the line
I must have crossed it
Because for so long I didn't give a shit
People tried to help
The little boy that was a whelp
What I used to be before
Has left my heart so sore
To me it feels as if
This world has been broken
By our generation
The generation of communication
That has failed through the lines of electricity
All our cables
Our power chords
Have left our minds torn
So I have sworn
To myself
That I will take my pen off its shelf
Where it hides above my desk
Because I realize that God has blessed
All of us with a gift
Mine is the power of words
From the absurd
To the crisp and powerful
They flow through my veins
A beautiful fluid of inspiration
So I will sit here once again
This is my return
To the burning of the sun
Because even heat can dissipate
So I must refuel the efforts of those
Who do not wish to pose
For the cameras
Trying to hide what they are
Those who wish to show off the scar
That makes them who they are
Cause there is always one big one
Where they flew too high
And got burned by the sun