Regurgitation

This was written on April 29th, 2011

A craving for knowledge growing and flowing

The river that created the Grand Canyon

Faster than the passion can grow

It is overwhelmed by the useless

Commercials flooding my mind

Products I would not dare to dream of using

Closing my eyes I can see more images

Littering the inside of my eyelids

Clawing at my eyes to make it stop

To see the black behind my lids again

Sitting in complete darkness for weeks

Just wishing

Wishing that I could go back to my childhood

Not for the innocence of the world

Or the lack of responsibility

Purely so I can feel a passion for learning

A passion so pure that its white hot flame

Would not be dissuaded by media's fourth coming

People seem to cope with this flood

Better than I've ever been able to

So many issues with society and culture

So little time to even open my mouth

Another plate of information devoured

I can feel my insides burning

Begging me to stop and take a break

But I know not how

I've been taught to gorge myself

Take what I can while I can take it

Fear pushes me forward

There may not be another day

For me to learn this

Somewhere along the way I forgot something

It was important

I know that I set it down near here

Near the first memories of my childhood

Or was it here when I was part of a team of greats

Maybe it was here when I got my first real job

I can't find it and the memory of its existence fades

Again I tried searching

Hoping for an answer that I once knew no question to

But another plate is set down in front of me

Filled with information of a royal wedding

I try to protest that I'm full

Try to explain that I don't like this food

But as I open my mouth

I feel the information shoved in

Convulsing, I feel as if I'm about to explode

All those buffets of information start leaking out

Every orifice pours out words and pictures

Movies and novels

Stories and math I'd never dreamed of

Everything I'd ever wanted to know goes with it

I sit with a passion again

But no reasonable understanding of where to begin

Surrounded by regurgitated knowledge

I begin to gorge once more

This is Not a Love Poem

This was written on April 7th, 2011

I've been avoiding this
Avoiding my pen for weeks now

Trying not to pick it up

Because I know the truth

That the only one I want to write for

Is you

The ink is so dark

Against this paper

Like blood against your skin

And the remorse that stains me

Takes my heart and crushes it

Leaves nothing for me to stand with

No strength to hold myself up

But no reason to let myself down

I've already broken my own vows

Torn myself from a marriage

Of our minds

Intertwined

With nothing but an idea

The idea to succeed

In this shit hole world

Where bullets strike little girls

But that's not the point

Of these words

I'm not looking at our society

Only at myself

Where I went wrong with you

When I tried to pressure you

And rape you with my words

Don't be absurd

You know what I did

But still you tried to swallow your shame

And I caused you more pain

By pushing on your stomach

Where I know you stored what I'd done

So you vomited in response

An eruption of words sprung forth

Like the fountain of lies I'd been telling myself

That pushing you on this subject

Was okay

But I knew better

And our friendship ended that day

I wish you could have seen

The world as I did

Saw a future for us both

Together

Living on into forever

But I knew better than to believe

Knew better than to deceive

Myself into believing

That we could be anything but friends

But this is not a love poem

I'm not trying to make you understand

What crossed my mind

I just want to apologize

For what I've done to you

But I know that it doesn't matter

So you won't ever read these words

Because you'd just deny

That I had any affect

You're too strong and proud

To admit that there was something

Between your lies

That was truth

You said you loved me once

I wanted to believe you

But this is not a love poem

It's an apology

That you'll never hear

Because you're too proud

To admit that I did anything

In the first place

But I'm sorry

For saying what I said

And for forgetting my duty

As your pedestal