Friday, April 29, 2011


This was written on April 29th, 2011

A craving for knowledge growing and flowing
The river that created the Grand Canyon
Faster than the passion can grow
It is overwhelmed by the useless
Commercials flooding my mind
Products I would not dare to dream of using
Closing my eyes I can see more images
Littering the inside of my eyelids
Clawing at my eyes to make it stop
To see the black behind my lids again
Sitting in complete darkness for weeks
Just wishing
Wishing that I could go back to my childhood
Not for the innocence of the world
Or the lack of responsibility
Purely so I can feel a passion for learning
A passion so pure that its white hot flame
Would not be dissuaded by media's fourth coming
People seem to cope with this flood
Better than I've ever been able to
So many issues with society and culture
So little time to even open my mouth
Another plate of information devoured
I can feel my insides burning
Begging me to stop and take a break
But I know not how
I've been taught to gorge myself
Take what I can while I can take it
Fear pushes me forward
There may not be another day
For me to learn this
Somewhere along the way I forgot something
It was important
I know that I set it down near here
Near the first memories of my childhood
Or was it here when I was part of a team of greats
Maybe it was here when I got my first real job
I can't find it and the memory of its existence fades
Again I tried searching
Hoping for an answer that I once knew no question to
But another plate is set down in front of me
Filled with information of a royal wedding
I try to protest that I'm full
Try to explain that I don't like this food
But as I open my mouth
I feel the information shoved in
Convulsing, I feel as if I'm about to explode
All those buffets of information start leaking out
Every orifice pours out words and pictures
Movies and novels
Stories and math I'd never dreamed of
Everything I'd ever wanted to know goes with it
I sit with a passion again
But no reasonable understanding of where to begin
Surrounded by regurgitated knowledge
I begin to gorge once more

Thursday, April 7, 2011

This is Not a Love Poem

This was written on April 7th, 2011

I've been avoiding this
Avoiding my pen for weeks now
Trying not to pick it up
Because I know the truth
That the only one I want to write for
Is you

The ink is so dark
Against this paper
Like blood against your skin
And the remorse that stains me
Takes my heart and crushes it
Leaves nothing for me to stand with
No strength to hold myself up
But no reason to let myself down
I've already broken my own vows
Torn myself from a marriage
Of our minds
With nothing but an idea
The idea to succeed
In this shit hole world
Where bullets strike little girls

But that's not the point
Of these words
I'm not looking at our society
Only at myself
Where I went wrong with you
When I tried to pressure you
And rape you with my words
Don't be absurd
You know what I did
But still you tried to swallow your shame
And I caused you more pain
By pushing on your stomach
Where I know you stored what I'd done
So you vomited in response
An eruption of words sprung forth
Like the fountain of lies I'd been telling myself
That pushing you on this subject
Was okay
But I knew better
And our friendship ended that day

I wish you could have seen
The world as I did
Saw a future for us both
Living on into forever
But I knew better than to believe
Knew better than to deceive
Myself into believing
That we could be anything but friends
But this is not a love poem
I'm not trying to make you understand
What crossed my mind
I just want to apologize
For what I've done to you
But I know that it doesn't matter
So you won't ever read these words
Because you'd just deny
That I had any affect
You're too strong and proud
To admit that there was something
Between your lies
That was truth
You said you loved me once
I wanted to believe you
But this is not a love poem
It's an apology
That you'll never hear
Because you're too proud
To admit that I did anything
In the first place
But I'm sorry
For saying what I said
And for forgetting my duty
As your pedestal