Thursday, April 7, 2011

This is Not a Love Poem

This was written on April 7th, 2011

I've been avoiding this
Avoiding my pen for weeks now
Trying not to pick it up
Because I know the truth
That the only one I want to write for
Is you

The ink is so dark
Against this paper
Like blood against your skin
And the remorse that stains me
Takes my heart and crushes it
Leaves nothing for me to stand with
No strength to hold myself up
But no reason to let myself down
I've already broken my own vows
Torn myself from a marriage
Of our minds
With nothing but an idea
The idea to succeed
In this shit hole world
Where bullets strike little girls

But that's not the point
Of these words
I'm not looking at our society
Only at myself
Where I went wrong with you
When I tried to pressure you
And rape you with my words
Don't be absurd
You know what I did
But still you tried to swallow your shame
And I caused you more pain
By pushing on your stomach
Where I know you stored what I'd done
So you vomited in response
An eruption of words sprung forth
Like the fountain of lies I'd been telling myself
That pushing you on this subject
Was okay
But I knew better
And our friendship ended that day

I wish you could have seen
The world as I did
Saw a future for us both
Living on into forever
But I knew better than to believe
Knew better than to deceive
Myself into believing
That we could be anything but friends
But this is not a love poem
I'm not trying to make you understand
What crossed my mind
I just want to apologize
For what I've done to you
But I know that it doesn't matter
So you won't ever read these words
Because you'd just deny
That I had any affect
You're too strong and proud
To admit that there was something
Between your lies
That was truth
You said you loved me once
I wanted to believe you
But this is not a love poem
It's an apology
That you'll never hear
Because you're too proud
To admit that I did anything
In the first place
But I'm sorry
For saying what I said
And for forgetting my duty
As your pedestal

1 comment: