The Last Time

This was written on July 3rd 2010

Blood pulses in my fingertips as they caress your sweet face. I can feel the pulsing stronger than anything I've ever felt before in my life. Stronger even than the beating of my heart as your tongue meets mine in a tango of passion. Waltzing with each other and lost in the sensation of being held as I'm holding you. We dip and dive together, swimming in the eyes of a thousand lies. I know this won't last even through the night. I know it will end, but I wish to be wrong, I wish that I could fool myself. You sit here with me, asking what it is that I am thinking about but the words will never reach my tongue. I refuse to let them touch my fingertips. You will never know what it is that I feel because this has to end.

You knew it as well as I did, that nothing would come of this passion but pain. It's nothing that we haven't danced through a thousand times before. Lying to ourselves, trying to fool the fates and the fated. You and I are alike on more levels than one and every breath of yours I feel makes me fall harder. Only the concrete can break my fall now, the buildings shattering beneath my feet. I am without a parachute when I'm with you, all memories and emotions as crisp as the night air. Nothing is foggy here and I have nowhere to hide from the truth. Still I try, pivoting my body, allowing her no glimpse at my pain stricken face. Truth already knows, but I refuse to admit my own shortcomings. I do not wish for this moment to end, but it's already gone. I will look back through all of my experiences and this will be one of the strongest.

That night in the park with you will never be forgotten. Surrounded by the crisp air even as we added our own fog. The steam leaving our mouths as we whispered our lies between every truth. I tried to hide from you but passion brought forth my pain and truth of just how broken I am. The speed and rush of adrenaline coursed through my veins. Every drop of blood coursing without any reason or remorse. It overflowed with the one thing I refuse to admit. Even now after having told you what you mean to me. Nothing will ever stop this bleed, not a million doctors or a million scars will bring me closer to my salvation. Never will I escape what has brought me to my knees a thousand times. Never will I forget you, but never will anything replace the love I have for my mother. It was never meant to be and you were never meant to see.

Goodbye my love. Tomorrow is another day and I will meet more who should never see. Those who are still blind are better to be surrounded by. You have no place in my life.