One Chance

This was written on January 4th, 2011

I still have feelings for you

Held my tongue so long it's blue

After all this time

All I want is a chance

Just a chance to dance

Once with you

Without running myself through

Atop this spear

I carry just in case I hear

Your name

Because in this world

There are dead, dying, and the lame

The latter is what I am

But I no longer give a damn

I just want to get to know

Spend some time with you

So that I can go

Home

To myself and confirm

Whether I really like you

Or whether all my tongue holding

Was for nothing more than fear

I can't move on until I've given it a real shot

So I'm asking for you to spot

My efforts

Just give me a chance

We can go see a movie

Spend some time together

Like real people do

Rather than keep this strained

Like tight ropes

Relationship

Between us

Romantic Memory

This was written on January 1st, 2011

December of Two Thousand Eight

Ready to leave my life behind

Not giving in to suicide

Finally giving in to the will to leave

Leave behind everything that haunted me

The friendships that had taunted me

With some semblance of regularity

A life with one single flaw

Creating a beautiful chain reaction

The broken pen's ink staining my shirt

Much as my mother's pen has stained my life

Filled my soul with strife

So that night so long ago

I was standing by your door

Hoping that someone would see

Hoping someone would stop me

From leaving Spokane forever

Nobody saw and nobody heard

Silently folding my shirt

Placing it on your bottom step

My cell phone placed so neatly

The last text I planned to send

Letting everyone know

Spokane would no longer be home

Though message misdelivered

Still you moved

Everyone moved

To stop me

But I didn't see

Because I was blinded

My reason and passion

Stripped from me

The way that you strip my words

Leaving them naked

Because I love you

In a romantic way

I'm not in love with you

But I do love you

You took my soul

Beating it with your ice pick

Cracking it

Putting a small hole in my shell

The frozen heart I had

Paralyzed with fear

Torn apart by the loss of my mother

Was broken to emotion once more

So I have you to thank

Our interaction pushed me far

It is my motivation to write now

The one romantic memory

Turning point in my life

Thank you

I will never forget

December of Two Thousand Eight

Spunk of a Chipmunk

This was written on November 28th, 2010

Compared to a chipmunk
So filled up with the spunk
That you've given me
Maybe I'll let the world see
Truth inside of my eyes
Instead of adding to the lies
Which others spit
Acting like they give a shit
Maybe I'll choose to care
I know that I'd dare
Myself to smile
After I've run the mile
Pushing my body and mind
Dragging those behind
So we all cross the finish line
Of life
Together hand in hand
Our toes dug into sand
Someday my dream will be
Something for all to see
For now it just sits
For all the literates
To read and wonder
Tearing the words asunder
Finding meaning where even I
Left none intentionally

Snow

This was written on November 22nd, 2010

You blind and you burn

Even help the world turn

But so much slower

So I have to lower

My own standards

So that I can accept you

Even still you kill

And provide a thrill

Which some will never know

I feel deep inside as though

As though I should show

This world your beauty

You lack concern for us

Flying with fury as I ride this bus

Because we all come and go

We all die and grow

Separating ourselves from you

Melted sand holds you at bay

The glass that lets in rays

Of light and still keeps out your blight

Separates us now

But I will find a way somehow

To show your beauty to this world

Late

This was written on November 22nd, 2010

I'm gonna be a little late

But can't it wait

Just a few more minutes

I'm sure I'll spin it

An awesome tale for you

Of the trials I went through

Just to get to the place

The place where I race

Circling round a lot

Where not a single spot

Of ground is free

Can you find a way to see

That this isn't like me

Because I do not like things free

I will find a way to earn

Find a way to burn

Into your mind

That I never leave behind

My concern for time

The Reuben Supreme

This was written on November 15th, 2010

The sandwich made with love

Tasted as if from above

Where little cupid sits on a cloud

Far above everything so loud

The mustard had good kick

So I was not ashamed to lick

The taste from my fingers

And still it lingers

As it works down my throat

So I wanted to let you know

That I have you to thank

From the bottom of my heart

As you have given a start

Not only to good flavor

That I can always savor

But also to my inspiration

You have given a start

To words I once thought smart

So thank you Danielle

For a sandwich which makes me yell

With Happiness

Rocketship with You

This was written on November 15th 2010

Ride a rocketship to the moon

You'll be feeling something soon

A sense of weightlessness

Where space meets only air

And all of your hair

Flies about restlessly

That's not all there is to see

The Earth is down below

Magnitude of our lives

Is taken to a smaller size

Still it is not size that matters

Because even a small thing

The small person that you are

Can take up all of a man's universe

If you can understand this verse

Then you understand

That this hand

Is driven by a mind

Which is captivated by you

Your intelligence greets me

Your beauty treats me

Then your soul defeats me

Leaves me sitting next to you

Motionless as leaves without wind

As if a man broken with nothing

Still this defeated man has something

The hope that someday

You'll be standing at my door

Waiting for me to come out

Leaving an old life behind

For a new life with you

Sometimes thinking of a horse

A long ride alongside

Racing with wind in our hair

As the sun tries to stare

Us away with its fiery gaze

Still all of our days

Would end with our friends

The four of us watching

As sun disappears

All of our cheers

Echo into the last bit of light

Trapped there until the sun greets again

Life in the country is nice

Days of quiet and peace

Imagining myself

Living with you in the east

Still the city has draw

So a second home I'd have

For my watching of people

Because no matter your pull

There is always more of me

If only a sliver

Which draws like a shiver

Straight up my spine

Deeper into my mind

Where I miss the differences

Forgetting my senses

Of right and of wrong

For all of these people

I break into song

So deep in the city a second home

Though the first will be ours

Where no one shall roam

It could be a small cottage

Or maybe a hut

With straw for its roof

And deepened mud ruts

To proof it from wind

All the while I'm thinking like this

I try to consider your feelings

To consider the fact

That without lots of tact

I won't make it that far

Because you will leave me out of your car

Still I know I'm a creep

For opining my mind and letting it seep

Out onto this page

As I'm not even to the proper stage

We've had no true date

Nor do we hang out enough to state

That thinking these things is even okay

Still if I live life my way

I see that I must open up and say

That I would like to spend all of today

With my mind wrapped and surrounded

Entirely by you

One Night With Me

This was written on November 13, 2010

I can't even begin to write

How I feel on this night

Every word comes out wrong

Almost wanting to break into song

I want things to work out

Wanting to be able to shout

From every rooftop

Because you make me happy

I know that it is sappy

But I like you

Smiling from ear to ear

You bring my life cheer

Still I hold back

Afraid of change

Afraid of making things strange

For you

Because you've been here before

Tried to date

I am not afraid of work

I do not wish to jerk

You around

Just wish for a sound

Relationship

Or at least a chance

To show you how I dance

So sure you'd enjoy

Still afraid to make my move

No matter how smooth

My steps may be

Whenever I see

Your eyes

Pouring into my soul

Two big open bowls

Of passion and grace

A look upon your face

That which could slay a dragon

So from me you have taken

All but last breath

Which I save

So I can ask you one thing

Will you let me sing

With you tonight

Will you let me take you on one flight

Out into the moonlight

Can I show you how it really feels

To have something real

Staring you in the face

I'm not saying there is love

Never have I sworn above

One chance

With you

Not after all I've been through

Still I'd like one dance

One chance for romance

Tonight I stopped myself

Held myself up on my shelf

Watching you from afar

Despite being inside your car

Because I did not wish to

Offend

Or put an end

To your comfort with me

Because I want you to see

That regardless of what happens

You will not be left

Not by me

Even if you do not see

Inside of me

What you are looking for

There is always more

Friendship left for you

Because only if you're through

With me

Throwing me aside

Unless you snuff out all light

Leaving me in the darkened night

Without your eyes

Even then the skies

Will lead me back

To your side

Because no matter the ride

I do not abandon

Will not leave behind

Those who enter my mind

Blazing trails in my heart

Even if what you have

Is only the start

Of what could be

What could fill all that I see

With more color

Than I can imagine

So I'm writing another poem

Another thing I feel

About you and again

Again I regret

But I bet

That I did the right thing

By not kissing you tonight

Though if you would

If you were willing

To give me one date

Just to see how you feel

To see if you'd like

Just see if you'd like

Spending more time with me

It would make me happy

Leave it Be

This was written on November 12, 2010

We keep putting this off

And the feeling is as soft

As your words

When your lips part

Your words give my heart

A startling jump

Which they've always done

Cause even the sun

Fell under your domain

Burning brighter with you around

Every sound had more meaning

But to return

To chance another burn

From you

Well I do not know

What I should do

Will I someday look back

Will I still lose track

Of all the pain

Because it's a bigger gain

When you're around

Even my own sound

Echoes out

With more power

My mouth is last left sour

And still

It is a thrill

To know you through the years

So I'll give three cheers

To not having you here

At least not quite yet

But I can bet

That you will be soon

Again I will swoon

Before the pleasure

Of this I am sure

Because to me you are fun

And I cannot run from the fun

Second Chance?

This was written on November 11, 2010

I find it quite interesting

That after all this time

You are still the reason I rhyme

And do not write

As I'm choosing not to fight

Myself

Instead I let the words

Use me

So have you heard?

That I have become the verb

It is so superb

Just letting it go and flow

Because now I know

That all I have to do

Is show to you

That after all you put me through

I have only one thing to show

The experience that

Bloodied me like a gangster with a bat

And every hat I wear

Is used to shadow which I cannot bear

To show upon my face

To our human race

Because I do not know

If I can once again throw

Caution to the wind

No matter where I've been

I will not get over you

Even if the last story is right

If my everlasting fight

Comes to an end

And I come to bend

Before you again

So tell me if I'll win

Will I win?

Will I win if once again

I put my heart in my hand

Taking a firm stand

And holding it out to you

Or will you once again screw

My brain

With your hazardous drill

Causing that shrill

Screeching

As my skull begs for mercy

A million times thirty

Times did it call

For me to end it all

With reason

Which was just out of season

So now I am left

Again at a crossroads

Staring at the cleft

Just left of my heart

Where the first time

Where the first time you missed

I know naught of guarantee

That a second aim

Will miss what makes me

If you took my stories before

What more are you coming back for?

Do you wish for my life?

Are you here for my soul?

Would you like me to serve it in a bowl?

So tell me why should I trust

Why it is that I must

Let you back in

Because if I ever suffer the past again

I will not survive

I will not contest

I will just lay down

Forever at rest

Going Away

This was written on November 4th, 2010

You throw everything away

Just because you want to say

That she matters more

Every score

There is to settle

Between us

Doesn't matter to you

Because whenever we're through

You're in her arms

Forgetting of my existence

Even if I'm in the room

But you don't care

You can't even smell the doom

Of our friendship

Because you took the one song

That matters to me

You took the one dance I can do

Ran me through and through

So you could let her sing

Because you plan to place a ring

Upon her finger

Letting me linger

Outside for you

So that if your plans fall through

You'll have someone to come back to

You say that there's nothing I can do

To ruin our friendship

But there is, and you're doing it

I no longer give a shit

Because if you keep on

When you wake up

I will be long gone

A Flower for You

This was written on November 4th, 2010

I was in the store so filled with doubt

That my lungs were begging to scream and shout

A flower I could not find for you

That listed off my intentions true

I thought of the purple Camellia

As it met the shade of my face

As all of my breath leaves without a trace

Nothing left when I talk to you

Because your voice still echoes

Inside of my head

Rattling my brain so much

I really should be dead

But I resist the urge to close my eyes

Because of the others who chose lies

Then there was the Camellia so pink

But I stopped myself before I could think

Because some part of me believes

That you would despise

A brightness that stares so deep in your eyes

So I came upon a lonely rose

Of deepness black and it I chose

Because I know your heart is deep in pain

I field so many attempts in vain

So I chose to make a promise

Someday this rose will shine of red

As I have restored inside of you

The truest love any has felt

Because nothing less do you deserve

And so here I am ready to serve

Yes or No?

This was written on October 25th 2010

Battered and broken

With words yet to be spoken

Because I am afraid to open my mouth

For your opinion of me going south

It is bound to happen

As every other

Has left me behind

Every girl I've felt for

Has wanted more

Than I could ever provide

Not even if they were at my side

Forever and always

If we were never to die

I could not live up to the expectations

Because all of my pit stop locations

Do not meet up with theirs

By this I mean

That I have an obscene

Ability to force myself away

To push those who might care astray

Because I get selfish

I started this off because I wanted to say

That I'd like a chance

To take you for a dance

Maybe in the rain

Because all of the pain

That you've ever felt

Needs to be washed away with pleasure

And the rain

Is the best thing I know of

What I really wanted to say is

That I like you

I've never met you

Still I feel something inside me

Wishing to hold you in my arms

Shelter you from the harms

That others throw your way

And maybe someday

I can take you out

So what do you say?

Broken Promises

This was written on September 21st, 2010

It's not that I don't trust you personally

However, your actions seem a might suspicious

That is not to say that you are suspect

I just find myself wanting to inspect

Your virtues

So put yourself in my shoes

You cheated on him once before

Saying that you needed more

Than what he was giving

Now I'm reliving this vision

Of him in pain

Just after he's begun to recover

From another wound

You ditched your last boy toy

Don't try to be coy

About how you did it either

You threw him aside

Regardless of his disrespect toward you

I find myself wondering

Will my friend suffer too

Be tossed aside as you did the first time

Even as you pushed aside the last slime

So do not take it personally

I just wish to protect my brother

Because that is what he is to me

So when he hurts I am brought to my knees

Finding pleas

Working up from deep inside me

Praying for his pain to end

If only for a moment

I cannot bear to see him suffer again

In fact I will brand you with sin

Should you break him as you have before

Because you need that

The responsibility of upholding him

As he wishes to uphold you

So please

I wish to put the past behind

Show me that you will not

That you will not

Break my friend

Or I will have to break you

Friendship

This was written on September 13th, 2010

I was sitting there on my couch holding my pen

Considering a sin

You see, this couch I have, it's my resting place

I've spent months on this couch

Not just over time, but the last few months

On this couch

This couch that I now sit upon

Considering the possibility of ending

Ending everything that I've worked so hard to build

That is not to say that I've given up hope

More so that hope had given up on me

At least in this instant

In this instant

I was going over the conversation I'd just had with my friend

Trying to figure out where this notion comes from

Going over every conversation I'd ever had

With girls

Because every girl I've ever met

Has seen some part of me

Some part of me that makes them feel something

Not necessarily for me

Instead they feel something from me

A kind of love they cannot put to words

Or at least that they don't understand fully

Because all of these girls

Who have come in contact

With me

Have failed to see

What lies beneath my surface

Instead what they see

Is someone who is trying to plea

For their attention

Looking for their love and their comforting arms

To protect him from harm

While this is true to a degree I suppose

It's not what I want from them

I do not wish to be with them

As much as I wish that they were with me

I do not wish for something romantic

Not with any woman or man that I've met since her

You see I am a pure romantic

Deep down in the core of my being

I hold women up on a pedestal

So that I can smash myself down further into the ground

When that pedestal falls on me

Because you see

This conversation I had with this friend of mine

Went something like this

Hey there hot stuff

Hey there

How ya doin today?

Pretty good how about you?

I'm doing fantastic

That's great

Yeah, actually I was wondering, any chance you wanna go see a movie with me

My friend is going to see a movie I like

What movie

Resident Evil

Ah, I don't really like Resident Evil

Oh alright

What about Scott Pilgrim

At this point I'm now looking up movies and movie times

There was a pause between her Scott Pilgrim and my answer

Also considering why she wants to go see a movie

A movie with obvious romantic connotations

Why see that movie with me

You see at this point

She's already come to the conclusion

She's created this illusion

That I like her

As something more than what I do

And it isn't true

You see I care about her as a person

And there is no worse one

For me to care about

In all of my friends

As at every turn she drives me insane

Pushes me through the window pane

There is no fall

But that does not keep the pain from me

It tears through my body

Because she always hinges on two questions

Is your friend hot?

And

Do you want my nuts?

Which by the way is a question which is nuts

I know she does not have nuts

Nor has she lost any from her brain

So why she would ask if I want them

Is beyond me

Sure it's an expression

But not so much one of affection

And so my infection

Of anger spreads

Tearing me to shreds

So I ask that if you get to know me

You look deeper in any attempt to see

That there is something there

Something deeper down

And that my actions don't always show

That I do want you as a friend

But nothing more than that